Recently, we posed questions to our members and our followers on our social media channels. What is real allyship and what does it look like? We got some really great feedback and so we want to share that with you all.
Firstly, all of our feedback states the same thing: allyship is more than just your words. Allyship requires action, putting some skin in the game, real commitment. Buying a t-shirt or sharing a post is nice, and it may even be helpful, but it isn’t allyship. And the idea that being politically correct is all it takes to be an ally actually does more harm than good. There has to be real intent to see change and equity and that doesn’t always look like being politically correct and making everyone comfortable. In fact, for change to happen someone has to be uncomfortable.
Allyship means going to bat for marginalized populations even when members of those groups aren’t in the room. And if you’re only speaking out to make yourself look or feel better, you aren’t an ally. That is where performative allyship comes in to play. Performative allyship is when you want to support because it is trendy or because you don’t want to look bad. Maybe you can think back to George Floyd’s murder (or any of the many murders of BIPOC individuals over US history). There seemed to be a public outrage and outcry. People were buying buttons and t-shirts, businesses were donating. But as soon as the media stopped posting about it, those same businesses took down their signs, went back to business as usual. Allies are never satisfied with the status quo.
One of our members stated that allyship is,
“genuine, persistent action. It’s not something you say you are and do nothing. It’s not something you stand up for one marginalized person and be done. It’s choosing at every instance of oppression, big or small, to intervene and flip the script.”
And we are inclined to agree! However, we don’t want to bash those who are misinformed about allyship, as long as they care enough to change. Some people who have privilege have never felt the need to investigate that privilege or even realize that they have it. I’m sure you have heard about the white man who shared his location online in real time and invited folks to come hiking with him. A white woman did that same thing and is still missing, presumed dead. The thought most likely never occurred to this man that many others would never be safe doing that. However, as you can expect, many of his followers brought it to his attention. For such people, if you want to become a true ally, it is possible.
So, how does one become a true ally?
Start small. No one here will tell you to go bankrupt by quitting your job and becoming a one-person picket line. But when you’re in that HR meeting discussing a potential new hire, when Jim or Sue or Karen says they don’t think Alejandro would be a good fit even though he has all the qualification, challenge them. Ask clarifying questions to push back against the biases they have (whether they realize they have them or not is another conversation).
STOP asking for marginalized groups to help you or teach you more about what you can do. Marginalized groups already have enough to deal with, enough emotional baggage and trauma to unpack and live with daily. For most, experiencing trauma is a daily thing, going from one traumatic event to the next. Microaggressions at work, doctors ignoring or misdiagnosing symptoms, watching the news and seeing all the laws and systematic change being put in place to keep these groups as “less than.” They don’t want to teach you. And they shouldn’t have to! If you truly cared enough about making change, you’d take the steps to do it yourself. You’d read articles by marginalized voices, you’d read books, you’d attend virtual and in-person events to learn more. The question is, do you really want to?
Here’s a resource: The Art of Active Allyship by Poornima Luthra.
Likewise, not all groups need the same level or type of support. Marginalized populations aren’t a one-size-fits-all thing. When becoming an ally, take that into consideration. Sometimes all a marginalized group needs is a voice in a room. Or someone who understands the weariness that comes with code-switching or not being believed. Sometimes all that is required is a gentle reminder that these groups aren’t alone. Other times, yes, more will be required. Again, we don’t want to fall into performative allyship because it’s a certain month or because of some horrendous tragedy that made the news. Allyship is an everyday thing.
Remember, no one can turn off their “Otherness” and be a part of the accepted majority one day. Especially for those whose “Otherness” is visible. Whether it be ethnicity, race, disability…no one can change who they are. And we should make them feel safe and comfortable being who they are.
There’s no prize for being an ally, no great reward. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t making a difference.
We have some questions for you.
- How can you tell if someone wants to be a true ally?
- How does performative allyship hinder progress?
- What resources would you share with someone wanting to become an ally?
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What are your thoughts on allyship? Leave a comment down below.
Women of Color Writers Circle 